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The One Thing Your Children Need to Hear

April 2, 2013 By 2 Comments

Do you love your children? The majority of parents would respond with a resounding yes. A large percentage claim to love their kids unconditionally and want them to know it. But throughout my experience coaching, teaching, and volunteering in schools I have seen too many kids tie their self-worth to individual performance.

Deep down in their hearts, they feel the following pressure:

My parents will love me LESS if I…

  • Miss the shot
  • Fail this test
  • Don’t try my best
  • Get caught in a lie
  • Wake up in a bad mood

My parents will love me MORE if I…

  • Score the most points
  • Make good grades
  • Have lots of friends
  • Obey all the time
  • Never fail at anything

Growing up in today’s pressure-to-perform culture, most children feel this way. But you can change it with these simple words.

I love you the same no matter what you do.

That’s it. My love for you doesn’t change based on your performance. It remains the same in any circumstance.

I don’t love you more when you bring home a stunning piece of artwork, or master the math concept you’ve been struggling with. My love for you doesn’t increase when you work really hard to become the most improved player on the team.

I don’t love you any less when you hit your sister or roll your eyes at me. When you bring home a failing grade I love you just as much as the time you aced a test. You could call me from jail and it wouldn’t change how much I love you.

I love you because I do. It is not at all tied to your performance, good or bad.

When children understand the gift of unconditional love, they thrive in the freedom to truly be themselves.

When they know that their accomplishments can’t EARN your love and their mistakes can’t LOSE it, the game changes. Free from the pressure to perform or the fear of failure, kids are willing to take risks and follow their passions. To grow into the person they were meant to be.

Your children need this gift more than anything else you can provide them. Make sure you tell them every day.

I love you no matter what you do.

 
 
Filed Under: Leadership, Life, Parenting, Sports & Fitness Tagged With: , ,    Comments: 2 Comments

Candy Corn Cookie Cemetery

October 30, 2012 By 2 Comments

My poor kids drew the short straw when it comes to having a crafty-type mom. I try, but baking and glueing aren’t my thing. That’s why I love this easy, no-bake Halloween treat. Bonus: it’s delicious. The recipe makes two batches. Give one to a neighbor, or if you’re OCD like me, have one for the kids to decorate and one you can make with perfect-looking rows.

It’s also a great recipe if you’re without power due to hurricane Sandy. The beating/mixing can all be done by hand. No electric mixer or oven required.

Ingredients

Two packages Oreo cookies
Two 8 ounce packages cream cheese, softened
Two 3.4 ounce packages instant vanilla pudding mix
4 cups milk
2 cups powered sugar
Two 8 ounce containers frozen Cool Whip topping, thawed
Candy Corn
Two shallow, rectangular aluminum trays with lids

First, set aside about 20 Oreos to make the tombstones. Cut two sides off each cookie, keeping the scraps. Combine remaining cookies from both packages with scraps and crush. You can do this easily in a food processor. Or put them in a plastic bag and hit repeatedly with a mallet or meat tenderizer. (I prefer the second method if highly stressed after reading how many of your Facebook friends have started their Christmas shopping.)

In large bowl, whip cream cheese with an electric mixer on medium speed. In a separate bowl, whisk together dry vanilla pudding mix and milk for about two minutes. This is good exercise for those upper arms you want to show off in your holiday dresses next month. So don’t forget to switch arms at the minute mark. Add the pudding mixture to cream cheese, along with powdered sugar and whipped topping. Beat until well blended.

Spread a layer of crushed cookies on the bottom of each pan. Next spoon a layer of cream cheese mixture over the cookies. Repeat the layers and finish with a good ground covering of cookie crumbs for the cemetery. Arrange the cookie tombstones and candy corn as desired. Cover and chill for two hours before serving. Keep in the fridge.

Happy Haunting!

 

 
 
Filed Under: Just for Fun, Parenting Tagged With: , , ,    Comments: 2 Comments

BOOK GIVEAWAY: Life Ki-do Parenting, Tools to Raise Happy, Confident Kids from the Inside Out

July 23, 2012 By 12 Comments

It is easier to build strong children than to repair broken men. -Frederick Douglass

Parenting is the most important job you will ever have. The world needs you.

If you survive the infant stage (and your friends and family are still speaking to you after a year of erratic behavior, all blamed on sleep deprivation) you see a glimpse of normal life again.

But then the terrible two’s hit you head on. Suddenly you’re wondering where in the world is that stupid stork? He clearly forgot to include the instruction manual when he delivered the baby.

Your child starts school, and you realize this is only the beginning. You want them to function as a positive member of society. To be happy. To make a difference in this big, bad world.

But under tremendous pressure, and influence of peers and culture today, kids are being conditioned to believe in the “American Happiness Formula”: look good + perform well + approval = happiness.

Instead of happiness, we are seeing an alarming rate of stress, anxiety, and depression. Not only in our children, but in our adults! The formula doesn’t work. [Read more...]

 
 
Filed Under: Leadership, Life, Parenting Tagged With: , , , , ,    Comments: 12 Comments

My Dad, a Man of Integrity

June 17, 2012 By 5 Comments

My father was 44 years old when I was born in Spain. A successful partner with a big accounting firm in the 1970′s, he was working a three-year stint in the Madrid office when I arrived on the scene. He left the firm due to what he felt was unethical behavior by guys at the top. Since that time, I’ve watched him make countless decisions that personify his integrity.

When I was a little girl, my dad didn’t really know how to have a relationship with me. Dolls and ballet weren’t his thing. But he always came to my gymnastics meets. He watched all the events except beam. The idea of me falling off the skinny contraption suspended in air made him too nervous, so he made trips to the concession stand during my routines. He has worried about me for 37 years and counting!   [Read more...]

 
 
Filed Under: Just for Fun, Life, Parenting Tagged With: , , , ,    Comments: 5 Comments
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